السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته

Welcome All,

On this thread I'll put my daily jokes
So if you have one don't hesitate to share it with us .. alright


Have a nice day with me >>> and nice smile too :p :p

At school, a boy is told by a classmate that most adults are
hiding at least one dark secret , and that this makes it very
easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth"
even when you don't know anything.

The boy decides to go home and try it out.
As he is greeted by his mother at the front door he says,
"I know the whole truth." His mother quickly hands him $20
and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased,
the boy waits for his father to get home from work,
and greets him with, "I know the whole truth." The father
promptly hands him $40 and says,
"Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased,
the boy is on his way to school the next day, when he sees
the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by
saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman drops the mail, opens his arms and says,
"Then come give your FATHER a big hug!"

:p :p

Hi Ashiqa

Quite Pleased
don't you think he's a little bit greedy


Thanks .. more jokes coming up

Koparzo

A baby turtle was standing at the bottom of a large tree
and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he
reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He
turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the
branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he
shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree
and with a sigh started to climb.

About an hour later, he again reached the very high
branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung
himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the
bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the
tree, sighed and started climbing.

Watching these proceedings from the end of the
branch were two little birds. Mummy bird turned
to Daddy bird and said,
"Don't you think it's time we told him he was adopted ?"

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come
to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's
word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here
and use BEATUIFUL in a sentence?"

Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment
and said - "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in
the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit.
Little Frankie, your turn."

Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought
for a moment and said - "Teacher, the sunrise this morning was the
most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very
good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn."

Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought
for a moment and said - "Teacher, last night my big sister
told my dad that she was pregnant and he said...
'Beautiful, just (....) BEATUIFUL!' "

A man joins a big corporate empire as a trainee.
On his very first day of work, he dials the pantry and shouts
into the phone -
"Get me a coffee, quickly!"

The voice from the other side responded,
"You fool you've dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who
you're talking to, dumbo ?"

"No"
replied the trainee.
"It's the CEO of the company, you fool!"

The trainee shouts back,
"And do YOU know who YOU are talking to, you fool ?!"
"No"
replied the CEO indignantly.

"Good !"
replied the trainee, and puts down the phone.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has
the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?
Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended
when I got my 5th ticket.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?
Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.
Officer: The car is stolen?
Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the
owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my
gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?
Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot the woman
who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.
Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?
Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car
was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached
the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?
Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.
Captain: Who's car is this?
Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can
see if there's a gun in it?
Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.
Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told
you said there's a body in it.
Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you
said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had
a gun in the glove-box, and that there was a body in the trunk?

Driver: Yeah, and I'll bet the big liar told you I was speeding too



( Don't Try This at Home :p :p )

One day 3 men went to a shrine to ask the Father for forgivness.

The first man went to the Father and said:
" Father, Father I have sinned!"
Father:
"What have you done?"
The first man:
" I have lied!"
Father:
"Drink the Holy water and you will be saved."
And so the man drank the water and was
"saved".


Then the second man went up to the Father and said:
" Father, Father I have sinned!"
Father:
"What have you done?"
The second man:
" I have stolen from the jeweler's!"
Father:
"Drink the Holy water and you will be saved."
And so the man drank the holy water and was
"saved".


The third man went up to the Father and said:
" Father, Father I have sinned!"
Father:
"What have you done?"
The third man:
" I peed in the Holy wate"

One day a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 ft below sea
level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had
on no scuba gear whatsoever.

The diver went below another 20 ft, but the guy joined him
a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 ft, but minutes
later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he
took out a waterproof chalk-and-board set, and wrote, "How
the hell are you able to stay under this deep
without equipment?"

The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had
written, and wrote -

"I'M DROWNING, YOU MORON"
!!!

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Mary said,
"My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."

The teacher said,
"That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Sally raised her hand and said,
"My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."

The teacher said,
"Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"

Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his
bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could
damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.

Johnny said loudly,
"My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons."
The teacher said,
"That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use
the word 'fascinate' in your sentence."

Little Johnny continued,
"But her (....) are so big, she can only fasten eight"

You Are Always Welcome Ashiqa


Thanks

Here is another advanture for Johnny


On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents
for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She
shook it, held it up and said,
"I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!" "That's right!"
shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She
held it up, shook it and said.
"I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!" "That's right!"
shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the stuff store owner's son, little johnny. The
teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop
with her finger and tasted it.

"Is it juice?"
she asked.
"No,"
little johnny answered.

The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.
"Is it butter?"
she asked.
"No,"
he answered.
Finally, the teacher said,
"I give up. What is it?"

Little johnny replied,
"A puppy!"



:eek: :eek: :eek: